I just wanted you to show me you loved me. Was that too much to ask for? A simple hug, a kiss, maybe a little more affection and attention and I would of stayed. Actually I know I would have. It’s all I wanted was to be with you. Forever. But forevers over now and we can’t change that.
We all catch them at some point. Sometimes they stay the same. Sometimes they grow stronger. Sometimes they go away. And sometimes they last forever. But after all the crap that has happened to your heart it’s hard to ever want to feel anything for anyone. Then out of the blue you meet someone and talk to them constantly and start to develop those crazy things called feelings. And you’re scared. And anxious. And nervous. It could be great or it could be awful, but the funny thing about feelings is that no matter how much you try there’s really no way you can’t catch them. And it could turn out great or it could lead to heart break, but you’ll never know unless you try. And it’s possible that one day you’ll find someone you have immense feelings for and they will feel the exact same and show you not to be afraid to love with all your heart and open up. And when you find that person, do not let them go.
I never thought you’d ever make me feel used, but it’s all I ever feel. And I know I could just walk away and feel better about myself. I just don’t know how too. Feeling trapped and abused all the time. I feel stupid. And I wish I didn’t. But I do. And it’s all because of you.
I have a choice to make. stay this way forever with someone who knows nothing of what he has or move on and find someone who loves me and knows how to express it.
sometimes I wonder what if my life was completely different from what it is now. Would I be the same person, but with a different life? Would my life be better or worse? Would I learn from my mistakes? There’s alot that I wonder about. Right now I really wouldn’t change anything in my life. I have a beautiful daughter and I couldn’t imagine a life without her. If I could go back in time to change anything I really wouldn’t. Theres one thing that sometimes I wish I could change. I wish I didn’t fall in love at 17. And sometimes I wish that I fell in love with someone else. Does that make me a bad person? I wish that never crossed my mind, but lately it does more than ever. Sometimes I just wish I picked a person who appreciated everything about m e and treated me the way I want to be treated. But I guess some mistakes you just have to live with. My happiness isn’t my first priority anymore.
all I’ve ever wanted was to be what you wanted. some how everything I do is wrong or you don’t like it. I don’t know what happened to us. I don’t know what happened to you. lately it seems you don’t give a fuck about me. yet you say it’s my fault. you say I’m immature, I don’t know how to handle things and I need to change or you’ll be gone. and if I decide to leave you won’t beg for me to stay because I’m not worth fighting for. you’ve fought for me so many times and you won’t do it again. you say that once forever is over, forever is really over. I don’t know if you truely love me if you’ve completely given up on me and given up on us. at this moment in time I’m only staying with you because of our daughter and because I don’t want to lose you forever. even if it’s not forever really since we would be in eachother’s lives for the baby, but forever without a relationship with you. it’s been 3 years and I think this is the worst we’ve ever been and I don’t like it. I can’t take it. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of not being good enough. I’ve grown tired of this and us. but forever is forever . no matter how good or bad. if I have to be unhappy for awhile I guess I’ll deal with it for aubrey’s sake. if she’s happy, I guess I’ll just have to fake it to keep it that way. I love you and you’re my everything and you have been since I was 17, but I don’t know how much of this I can take anymore.
Do you love me? Recently, I find myself asking myself this question everyday. You say you do, but don’t show me you do. My biggest fear is losing you. But why would I want to stick around if you don’t ever show me you care for me? I don’t know what to do anymore. I hate you for making me love you so much. No matter what you do, I let it go because I absolutely love you more than anything. My mistake. Heartbreak is all I feel now a days. I’m always sad. I always cry and yet you never notice a difference in my eyes. What happened? Where did we go wrong? I guess I’ll never know .